Beyond the Mirror: Reckoning with the System, Not Just the Queen

"Blame is a mirror that shows us what we fear in others. Responsibility is the lens that helps us see what we must change in ourselves." - Mary Coughlin

In my recent post, I explored a powerful metaphor: Snow White as democracy, the Evil Queen as authoritarian power. But the more I reflected, the more I realized—this story isn’t just about one queen, one villain, one mirror.

It’s about the system that made her throne possible.

The Poison Didn’t Start with the Queen

The Queen may have wielded the power. But the conditions that allowed her to rise? They were already in place.

She didn’t create the insecurity, the fear, the hunger for control. She simply exploited it.

And in many ways, the kingdom—our kingdom—was already vulnerable. Trust eroded. Communities divided. Institutions hollowed out by years of neglect, inequality, and disconnection.
The poison runs deeper than any single character.

What If We Stopped Pointing Fingers?

It’s tempting to blame “those people”—whoever they may be. The ones who voted differently. The ones who cheered at the wrong time. The ones who, in our eyes, should have known better.

But what if the real problem isn’t them? What if it’s us?
Not in shame—but in shared responsibility.

Because here’s the truth:

• Our systems have failed.

• Our politics have polarized.

• Our collective nervous system is dysregulated.

And still—we keep blaming each other, as if that will fix anything.

What we need now isn’t more outrage—it’s more courage. The courage to look in the mirror and ask:
What happened to us? What role do I play in the healing?

The Trauma-Informed Path Forward

In Trauma-Informed Developmental Care (TIDC), we don’t fixate on the behavior—we seek to understand the story beneath it.

We recognize that systems fail when people are ignored, unheard, unseen. And healing begins with belonging, understanding, and collective care.

The B.U.F.F.E.R. framework reminds us:

• Belonging isn’t about agreement—it’s about mattering.

• Understanding isn’t approval—it’s curiosity.

• Forgiveness isn’t forgetting—it’s freeing ourselves to move forward.

• Frameworks help us hold complexity.

• Equanimity keeps us grounded amidst the storm.

• Respect is the beginning of repair.

These aren’t abstract ideals. They’re action steps. They’re a blueprint for reimagining the world we share.

This Is the Work of Weaving

We don’t have to agree on everything to build something better.
But we do have to stop tearing each other apart while the foundation crumbles beneath us.

If we keep fighting over who cracked the mirror, we’ll never see what’s trying to be reflected through us.

Let’s shift the story. Let’s stop pointing fingers and start pointing forward.

• Sign The People’s Declaration

• Join the REIMAGINE movement

• Help co-create a democracy rooted in care, dignity, and belonging—for everyone

With fierce hope and an unshakable belief in our collective capacity to heal,
Mary
Founder, Caring Essentials | Creator of The B.U.F.F.E.R. Framework | We the Future Weaver

P.S.: If these words stirred something in you—anger, clarity, sadness, resolve—let it mean something. Share this message. Reflect with someone you trust. Sign The People’s Declaration.
Because democracy doesn’t die all at once—it slips away when we stop believing we can do something about it.

Let’s believe again. Let’s begin again. Together. 💛

#WeTheFuture #HealingDemocracy #RadicalBelonging #REIMAGINE #CaringIsEssential