What Does It Mean to Be Present?
“Presence isn’t a pause from the work—it is the work. It’s how we remember our humanity in systems that forget.” - Mary Coughlin
What Does It Mean to Be Present?
Week 1 of 6 in the Presence Prelude Series
Presence is not a pause from care—it is care.
Caring Science Says Presence is Sacred
BUFFER: A Framework for Presence
Week 1 of 6 in the Presence Prelude Series
In a world that feels increasingly disconnected, hurried, and reactive, I find myself coming back to one word again and again:
Presence.
Not just as a moment of mindfulness, but as a foundation. A discipline. A way of being that invites wholeness into every encounter—at the bedside, at the ballot box, in the boardroom, and in the quiet ache of your own heart.
Presence is not a pause from care—it is care.
In trauma-informed developmental care (TIDC), presence isn’t a soft add-on. It’s a core intervention.
To be truly present with a baby in pain, a parent in fear, or a colleague in distress is to offer co-regulation, validation, and safety. Presence is the human technology that makes healing possible.
It is relational neuroscience in action.
And it is what trauma so often robs us of—our ability to show up fully, because our systems are overwhelmed, our spirits depleted, or our bodies stuck in fight-flight-freeze.
So what does it take to reclaim that ability?
Caring Science Says Presence is Sacred
Jean Watson speaks of “authentic presence” as a caritas process—a sacred offering that requires vulnerability, compassion, and connection. Presence is more than physical proximity. It’s an energy. A frequency. A soul-to-soul transmission.
It says:
“I see you. I honor you. I am with you.”
In the high-tech, high-stress world of neonatal and pediatric care, presence can feel like a luxury we can’t afford.
But I believe it’s actually the currency of healing we can’t afford to lose.
BUFFER: A Framework for Presence
The B.U.F.F.E.R. framework also invites us to reflect on the conditions that make presence possible:
Belonging: Can I be here without needing to prove I deserve it?
Understanding: Do I feel seen, known, and not judged?
Forgiveness: Can I release what’s blocking me from truly showing up?
Frameworks: What structures support my presence rather than suppress it?
Equanimity: Can I stay grounded when things feel chaotic?
Respect: Am I met with dignity? Do I extend it to others?
Each of these elements creates the relational scaffolding for presence to thrive—in the NICU, in our families, and in our fractured world.
Presence is Political, Too
Presence is not neutral. It is radical.
To be fully present with suffering in a system that profits from disconnection? That’s resistance.
To listen deeply in a society trained to shout over one another? That’s revolution.
To anchor in your breath and body when the world demands you hustle, scroll, or spin? That’s reclamation.
An Invitation to Reclaim the Healing Moment
On Friday, June 6th, I’m hosting a virtual workshop called:
The Presence: Reclaiming the Healing Moment in a Fractured World
🕰️ 11am–3pm ET | 🎓 4 CE hours for nurses | 💻 Live, reflective, and restorative
🔗 Details + Early Bird Registration
It’s for clinicians, educators, advocates, and caregivers who want to return to themselves. To remember the sacred, the soulful, and the scientifically sound ways we create healing moments every day—if we’re awake enough to see them.
A Reflection to Carry With You This Week
Take five quiet minutes and ask yourself:
💭 “Where in my life am I present—but not really here?”
💭 “What might shift if I let myself arrive more fully?”
You don’t need to fix anything. Just notice. Presence begins with that.
With love and breath,
Mary
