The More You Take, the Less You Have: A Reflection on Power, Balance, and Caring Systems

"True abundance is not found in what we take, but in what we nurture—within ourselves, in others, and in the connections we create." - Mary Coughlin

The quote from Kung Fu Panda 3—"The more you take, the less you have"—offers a profound truth about the nature of power, relationships, and the systems we create. It challenges us to consider the consequences of systems driven by accumulation—whether of resources, authority, or control—at the expense of balance, equity, and connection.

This idea resonates deeply with trauma-informed developmental care (TIDC) and the principles of Caring Science. Both remind us that the health of any system, whether in healthcare or society, depends on its ability to prioritize giving over taking—sharing power, nurturing connection, and fostering environments where everyone can thrive.

The Imbalance of Power in Systems

Systems of power—whether in healthcare, education, or governance—are often built on the assumption that control leads to order, and accumulation leads to strength. But this assumption can quickly turn destructive when power becomes concentrated in ways that leave others disempowered, unseen, or unheard. The result? Disconnection, inefficiency, and a growing sense of disillusionment among those the system is supposed to serve.

In healthcare, this imbalance often manifests in systems that prioritize productivity over connection, or policies that unintentionally place clinicians and families in opposition rather than collaboration. Clinicians feel drained, families feel dismissed, and the care provided loses the depth and humanity that are essential for true healing.

In TIDC, we know that power-sharing is vital. It’s about creating environments where families are empowered to participate in their child’s care and where clinicians feel supported in bringing their full humanity to their work. These are systems that give more than they take, creating resilience rather than erosion.

The Power of Connection and Reciprocity in Care

Jean Watson’s Caring Science Theory teaches us that true healing occurs within relationships, not transactions. Power is not a commodity to hoard but a gift to share, amplifying the capacity for healing and connection.

In the NICU, for example, when clinicians invite families to participate fully in their baby’s care—through skin-to-skin contact, shared decision-making, and honest communication—it creates an atmosphere of trust and empowerment. This doesn’t diminish the clinician’s role; it enhances it. The "power" of the clinician is not reduced by sharing it with the family—it grows, creating a partnership where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable.

Systems of power that fail to embrace this reciprocity—whether in healthcare or beyond—ultimately weaken themselves. They take and take, leaving less trust, less connection, and less well-being in their wake.

Shifting from Taking to Giving: The Role of Trauma-Informed Systems

A trauma-informed system is one that actively resists the pull of power imbalances and prioritizes collaboration, equity, and care. It recognizes that taking too much from any part of the system—whether clinicians’ emotional reserves, families’ agency, or communities’ resources—leaves the whole weaker.

Instead, these systems are designed to:

Empower over Control:

• Trauma-informed systems amplify the voices of those they serve, ensuring that families, clinicians, and communities have a role in shaping the care and support they receive.

Nurture over Extract:

• These systems value relationships over outcomes, focusing on the process of care as much as the results.

Heal over Harm:

• By prioritizing equity, safety, and transparency, trauma-informed systems mitigate the harm that can arise from unchecked power dynamics.

In the NICU, this might look like protecting a baby’s sleep despite external pressures, or advocating for policies that give clinicians the time and resources to connect meaningfully with their patients. These are not small acts—they are radical reimaginings of what it means to care.

A Call to Resist Systems of Power and Reimagine Systems of Care

The wisdom of “the more you take, the less you have” challenges us to rethink the systems we create and participate in. Whether it’s healthcare, education, or community organizations, we must ask: Are these systems designed to give—to empower, connect, and uplift—or are they focused on taking, hoarding, and controlling?

Caring Science and TIDC remind us that systems of care must resist the pull of power for power’s sake. Instead, they must embrace the power of connection—of giving over taking, of sharing over hoarding. Only then can we create environments that foster true healing, resilience, and equity.

What would it look like to resist systems of power in your work, relationships, or community? How can you give more than you take, building environments of balance and care? Let’s reflect and grow—together.

With love and gratitude for all you give to the world,
Mary

P.S. I’d love to hear your thoughts—what does “giving more than you take” mean to you in your work or life? Feel free to share your reflections with me or with our community. And if you’re ready to take the next step in deepening your practice of Trauma-Informed Developmental Care, consider joining the TIP community.

Together, we can create a world where care flows freely, connecting and uplifting us all.