THE REAL GIFTS SERIES — WEEK 2
“Presence is the rarest gift we give — and the one remembered long after everything else is forgotten.” — Mary Coughlin
THE REAL GIFTS SERIES — WEEK 2
The Gift of Presence: Why Attention Is the New Luxury
Presence Regulates the Nervous System
Caring Science: Presence as Caritas
The B.U.F.F.E.R. Lens: Presence Is the First Language of Belonging
The Gift of Presence: Why Attention Is the New Luxury
There is a moment in every NICU journey — and every human life, honestly — when someone shows up with such clarity, such tenderness of attention, that time almost stops. The monitors keep beeping, the world keeps spinning, but inside that small relational space, something sacred happens.
Presence.
Not the kind you schedule. Not the kind you perform. But the kind that emerges when one human being makes the conscious choice to be here — fully, wholly, without distraction, without pretense.
In a world that is louder, faster, and more demanding than ever, presence has become the rarest gift of all.
Presence Regulates the Nervous System
The science is astonishingly clear: The human nervous system responds differently to genuine presence.
When someone is truly with us:
heart rates slow
cortisol levels lower
vagal tone strengthens
relational safety increases
trust deepens
the body softens
Presence is medicine. Presence is regulation. Presence is co-regulation.
This is why NICU parents remember moments more than instructions, connection more than protocols.
They remember:
the nurse who sat with them
the doctor who didn’t rush
the therapist who listened
the hand on their shoulder
the shared breath of hope
the silence that wasn’t empty but full
This is the power of presence.
Caring Science: Presence as Caritas
Jean Watson teaches that presence is not passive — it is a caritas practice. It is intentional, loving, conscious, sacred.
Presence says:
I see you.
I am with you.
You matter to me right now, exactly as you are.
I am not multitasking your humanity.
Presence creates a healing field — an energetic, relational space where the soul can exhale.
The B.U.F.F.E.R. Lens: Presence Is the First Language of Belonging
Presence is belonging in action. When we offer presence, we offer:
Belonging — you are not alone
Understanding — I’m attending to who you are
Forgiveness — I release expectations
Frameworks — clarity, steadiness, boundaries
Equanimity — grounded, calm attention
Respect — the deepest kind: reverence for your humanity
Presence is the foundation of every trauma-informed encounter.
Presence vs. Performance
There’s a difference — and the body knows it.
If performance exhausts us, presence nourishes us.
Presence as a Gift
This season, before giving anything wrapped, consider giving what most people truly hunger for:
Listening without fixing
Sitting without rushing
Being without performing
Noticing without judging
Loving without conditions
These are gifts that last long after the decorations come down.
Micro-Practice for Week 2
“The 30-Second Drop-In”
Choose one person today.
Put your phone down.
Turn your body toward them.
Soften your face.
Take one breath.
Say: “I’m here.” And mean it. That’s the gift.
REFLECTION PROMPTS FOR WEEK 2
Who in your life most needs your presence right now?
What keeps you from offering presence — fear, busyness, habit, distraction?
How do you know when someone is truly with you?
What does presence feel like in your body?
What would change in your relationships if presence became your default gift?
Closing
Presence is not the absence of noise. It is the presence of love.
Next week in the series, we explore the creative gift — the gift of offering something only you can give.
Hugs and hope, Mary
