The Gaslighting of a Generation: How Untruths and Desensitization Shape Our Trauma and Healing

"In a world where distorted truths erode trust and desensitize us to trauma, healing begins with the courage to honor reality, the strength to reclaim our voices, and the compassion to rebuild connection and hope." - Mary Coughlin

We live in a time of widespread disconnection—between truth and perception, people and systems, and even ourselves and our own experiences. One of the more insidious dynamics contributing to this disconnection is the normalization of systemic gaslighting. Whether through public discourse, media narratives, or institutional failures, gaslighting operates as a pervasive force, shaping how we perceive reality, process trauma, and engage with the world.

Systemic Gaslighting in Our Society

Gaslighting isn’t confined to personal relationships—it thrives on a larger scale, embedded within the systems and institutions we interact with daily. Public narratives that distort widely observed events or dismiss legitimate concerns leave us questioning our perceptions and experiences. This isn’t just an intellectual exercise; it’s a deeply emotional one that leaves lasting scars on trust, connection, and resilience.

For instance:

• Dismissing Valid Concerns: People voicing alarm over social injustices or ecological collapse are often labeled as overly sensitive or radical, instead of being heard.

• Normalizing Harmful Dynamics: Persistent exposure to traumatic events—such as violence, inequality, or environmental disasters—is reframed as "just the way things are," desensitizing us to their impact.

• Distorting Collective Memory: Erasing or reframing history skews our understanding of the past, preventing us from learning and perpetuating cycles of harm and mistrust.

These dynamics seep into how we experience the world, shaping our capacity to trust, connect, and heal.

The Impact on Trauma and Daily Life

When gaslighting becomes systemic, it not only influences how we perceive societal events but also affects our personal and professional lives in profound ways.

1. Erosion of Trust: Constant exposure to distorted truths undermines our ability to trust others—and ourselves. This erosion of trust amplifies feelings of anxiety, helplessness, and isolation.

2. Desensitization to Trauma: Repeated exposure to collective trauma desensitizes us, creating a survival response where we shut down emotionally. Over time, this numbing weakens our ability to empathize and take action.

3. Fragmentation of Identity: Gaslighting disrupts our ability to make sense of our experiences. When systems we rely on distort reality, it fragments our understanding of who we are and where we belong.

4. Polarization and Isolation: By sowing doubt and division, systemic gaslighting isolates us from one another, making it harder to build the connections we need for healing and resilience.

Gaslighting in the NICU: A Unique Lens

In the NICU, where stress runs high for both families and clinicians, the effects of systemic gaslighting can feel amplified. Families navigating the NICU may find their instincts dismissed, their emotions labeled as overreactions, or their cultural contexts overlooked. Clinicians, too, may face systemic pressures that leave them feeling as though their burnout or moral distress is a personal failing rather than a response to systemic issues.

This dynamic erodes trust and connection in an environment where they are most needed. Trauma-informed developmental care (TIDC) offers a framework to counteract these dynamics.

Reclaiming Trust and Connection Through Trauma-Informed Care

I believe that trauma-informed care is the antidote to the harm caused by systemic gaslighting. It challenges the normalization of manipulation and trauma, replacing these with principles that prioritize safety, trust, and empowerment.

Restoring Safety:

• Trauma-informed care creates environments where truth is honored, and safety—physical, emotional, and psychological—is prioritized.

Rebuilding Trust and Transparency:

• Through honest and transparent communication, TIDC restores trust for families and clinicians alike, creating a foundation for meaningful connection and healing.

Empowering Voice and Choice:

• TIDC amplifies the voices of families and clinicians, offering them agency in their roles and decisions. This is particularly transformative for those who’ve experienced invalidation.

Cultivating Connection:

• Connection is the cornerstone of healing. TIDC promotes healthy relationships and partnerships, offering a sense of belonging that counters isolation and fragmentation.

A Call to Action

Gaslighting may be a pervasive force in our systems, but it doesn’t have to define our future. By recognizing its impact and embracing trauma-informed care, we get to create spaces where truth is honored, trauma is met with compassion, and connection is nurtured. In the NICU and beyond, this is the foundation of healing—for families, clinicians, and communities.

Let us commit to a future where safety, trust, and shared humanity prevail, reclaiming our collective ability to care for one another and ourselves. The work starts with naming the harm, but it doesn’t end there. It ends with hope, connection, and action.

What are your thoughts on how systemic gaslighting impacts our lives and work? I’d love to hear your reflections—let’s start a conversation in the comments.