LOVE ACTUALLY: LIVING IN THE LIGHT
“Once you’ve stood in the light of love, you can’t help but grieve for those still living in the dark. But the miracle is this: every act of love sends out another beam of light.” - Mary Coughlin
There are days when the world feels unbearably heavy—days when cruelty masquerades as strength, when leaders glorify domination, and when people forget that they were born from tenderness. These are the days when I feel deep heartbreak for those who have slipped so far into the dark that they cannot remember what love feels like, or what it makes possible.
And then, every year, I watch Love Actually—a movie some dismiss as sentimental, simple, unrealistic.
But the elders know:
Sentiment is a compass.
Simplicity is a doorway.
And love—real love—is the most realistic force on Earth.
Because it is the only one capable of transforming anything.
Each time I watch it, I cry—not because the stories are perfect, but because the film dares to insist on something our culture has almost forgotten: that love is still happening, everywhere, all the time.
In airports. On doorsteps. In friendships. In grief. In sacrifice. In unlooked-for moments of courage.
It reminds me that even in the darkest season, human beings are still wired for connection.
Still longing for belonging. Still choosing generosity in small, quiet ways the world never celebrates.
And it makes me ache—not for myself, but for the people who live on the dark side of life.
The ones who have armored their hearts so tightly that tenderness feels threatening.
The ones who have forgotten what joy feels like in the body.
The ones who cannot see abundance because scarcity has become their worldview.
I don’t judge them. I grieve for them. Because once you have experienced the light of love, you understand how much suffering comes from forgetting it.
Most of the world’s harm—personal and political—comes from that forgetting.
So here, in this season of long nights and small miracles, I want to say this plainly:
Love is not naïve. Love is not weak.
Love is the oldest intelligence on Earth.
Love is the force that keeps every species alive.
Love is how humanity remembers itself.
And yes—love is abundant. Not as a cliché, but as a biological, relational, spiritual truth.
You and I, we are not immune to darkness. But we know how to walk toward the light. We know how to pause, breathe, and choose again. We know that joy is not frivolous—it is fuel for the long road.
So if you are reading this, consider this your elder blessing:
May you stay close to the things that remind you who you are.
May you cultivate the courage to love in a world that wants you afraid.
May you soften in the places that have been hardened by survival.
May you remember that abundance is not earned—it is inherent.
And may you keep your eyes open for the everyday miracles unfolding quietly around you.
Because love is still happening. Not “once upon a time.” Not “in fiction.” But right now. In your home.
In your community. In your body. In your breath.
And the more of us who live in the light, the more impossible it becomes for the darkness to win.
Love actually is all around.
And love, actually, is how we win.
Love, Mary
P.S. I created TIP 2.0 so clinicians no longer have to learn this work alone. If you're ready for a community-centered, science-rooted, soul-nourishing transformation, TIP is waiting for you.
