Love as a Systemic Force: Healing Society Through the NICU #1
“Love is the first language of safety.” - Mary Coughlin
Love as a Systemic Force: Healing Society Through the NICU #1
Week 1 - The Heart of Systems: Why Healing Begins Here
The longer I work in this field, the more I see it: every system — whether a NICU, a school, or a nation — is built upon what it believes about love.
Not the sentimental kind, but love as a biological necessity and a moral stance.
Love as the quiet pulse that says: You belong here. You matter. You are safe to be seen.
In the NICU, we are immersed in this truth every day.
Tiny bodies rest in isolettes, utterly dependent on the steadiness of our hands and the tone of our voices. Parents hover between hope and heartbreak, longing for assurance that their baby is not alone — and neither are they.
When we honor that longing, when we hold a family’s fear without judgment, when we adjust the light or soften our words, we are doing more than clinical care.
We are cultivating safety, trust, and connection — the neural architecture of healing.
Trauma-Informed Developmental Care gives us the science: regulation before relationship, relationship before reason. Caritas Coaching gives us the soul: love as the medium of healing. Together, they form a practice of remembering what all systems forget — that inclusion and belonging are not outcomes of love; they are evidence of it.
When love is present, safety follows.
When safety takes root, people risk connection.
And when connection flourishes, systems begin to heal themselves.
I’ve come to see the NICU as both a metaphor and a mirror. It shows us what happens when we organize around the most vulnerable — and what’s possible when we don’t. If we can learn to build policy, culture, and care around love in this space — surely, we can do it anywhere.
Extending the Circle
Right now, as many in our communities face deep uncertainty — struggling to pay bills, find stability, or simply feel safe within systems that are meant to serve them — our work in the NICU becomes a living parable.
It shows us how societies might heal if we organized around the most vulnerable, not the most powerful.
It reminds us that love is not naïve.
Love is structure. Love is science. Love is strategy.
When the scaffolding of policy or politics falters, love remains the steady architecture that holds us together — one nervous system, one human moment, one act of care at a time.
Reflection Prompt
Think of a time when you felt safe enough to belong.
What conditions made that possible?
How might you recreate even one of those conditions for someone else this week?
Science | Soul | Skill
Science: Safety and connection regulate the nervous system; love is the emotional context that makes healing possible.
Soul: Love is not the opposite of professionalism — it is the essence of it.
Skill: Before each interaction, silently affirm: “Let this person feel safe in my presence.”
Until every system remembers how to love,
Mary
