Choosing Curiosity Over Fear: Moving Closer to Belonging

“In a world shaped by fear and division, let us be the ones who choose curiosity over judgment, love over retaliation, and action over complacency. By grounding ourselves in our values and seeing one another with compassion, we take a step closer to restoring our shared humanity.” - Mary Coughlin

Choosing Curiosity Over Fear: Moving Closer to Belonging

This past Monday, I shared some thoughts about choosing love over fear in this election season. I talked about how fear can divide us, feeding into hate, oppression, and a sense of separation. But now, the day after the election, I’m sitting with the feeling that fear may have had the upper hand. There’s a part of me that feels disappointed, maybe even frustrated. Yet, as I reflect on this, I feel a gentle but insistent pull—not to retaliate with more fear and hate but to choose something different. I feel called to choose curiosity.

Curiosity gives us space to ask questions and to wonder, not with judgment but with the intention to understand. What were people really voting for? While I may be quick to assign the label of “fear” to those who don’t share my perspective, I recognize the need to look more deeply. Our nation’s decisions reflect the emotions, values, and perhaps even the traumas that many carry. Instead of building walls in my mind, I’m choosing to lean in and ask: What are the fears? What needs are people trying to meet? And how have our systems and society shaped those fears and needs?

The Impact of Fear and “Othering”

When we label others and make assumptions about their beliefs, we lose an opportunity to see each other in our fullness. The fear-driven narrative of “us vs. them” keeps us from acknowledging each other’s experiences and values. Our systems—governmental, economic, social—often manipulate this fear, drawing out our insecurities to keep us feeling divided. Over time, this separation turns us into “others,” each group separate from the next, each person distrusting the other’s motives. Ultimately, it pulls us further from the very thing we all seek: belonging.

The Role of Systemic Trauma

Our systems carry the weight of structural and systemic trauma—layers upon layers of influence and history that drive us toward separateness, often under the guise of individuality or survival. We’ve internalized messages that reinforce an “us vs. them” mentality, reducing each other to labels instead of seeing one another as whole, complex beings. This distancing takes us away from what we need most: a connection to each other and to our shared humanity.

A Call to Action: Grounding Ourselves in Our Values

These recent events also serve as a call to action. If we want a world that truly reflects our values, we cannot sit back and hope that others will make those choices for us. Big players work behind the scenes, shaping our systems, our perspectives, and sometimes even our rights. If we want our voices to be heard, we must act—through both big and small acts of engagement. We need to reground ourselves in the values we hold dear, letting those guide our way forward, united by love and a commitment to restoring our collective humanity.

This isn’t the naïve hope that our systems will transform overnight, but rather the conviction that each of us has a role to play in softening the distance between ourselves and others. By acknowledging that, on some level, fear drives us all, we empower ourselves to choose curiosity instead of judgment and action instead of complacency. It’s not an easy path, but it’s a way back to our shared humanity, and it’s how we ensure that love—rather than fear—guides our future.

Restoring Our Shared Humanity

In these times, I want to hold onto hope for a renewed sense of belonging. This journey is not just about fighting against something; it’s about reconnecting with one another and with our deepest values. It’s about rediscovering compassion, remembering our shared dreams, and grounding ourselves in a vision of unity that prioritizes our humanity over our differences. By acknowledging the distance that fear has created, we can find a way back to each other, step by step.

An Invitation to Join the Journey

I invite you to join me in this practice of curiosity and commitment. Let’s ask the hard questions, resist the urge to retaliate with more fear, and ground ourselves in meaningful action. Together, we can restore the connections that lead us toward healing, toward community, and toward a society that honors and uplifts each of us. Perhaps, in the end, this journey toward belonging is as simple as choosing to see each other as we truly are: human beings, each carrying both fear and hope, each deserving of love and empathy.

With love, curiosity, and a commitment to our shared journey, may we walk forward together, choosing connection over division and hope over fear. Here’s to a future built on compassion and action. Until next time—stay grounded, stay open, and stay kind.

Mary