Love as a Systemic Force: Healing Society Through the NICU #3

“Love — in its most sustainable form — is a circle, not a sacrifice.” - Mary Coughlin

Week 3: Bearing Witness Without Burning Out

“We can’t pour from an empty cup — but we can’t heal from an empty heart either.”

The work of caring asks us to bear witness to suffering — to stay present in rooms that hold both the fragility and the enormity of life. In the NICU, that presence can feel sacred and brutal in the same breath.

We see what most of the world turns away from: the smallest bodies struggling to survive, parents breaking open with love and fear, teams navigating exhaustion, uncertainty, and loss. And yet, we keep showing up.

What sustains us in this work isn’t resilience as endurance; I believe it’s connection as restoration.
Our nervous systems are not designed to bear witness alone. They are social structures, shaped by rhythm, breath, voice, and touch. When we co-regulate with one another, a hand on a shoulder, a shared exhale, a moment of stillness before the next alarm, we repair the micro-fractures that stress leaves behind.

Trauma-Informed Developmental Care reminds us that healing happens in relationship.
Caritas Coaching calls us to love as the medium of that relationship; love that is grounded, boundaried and embodied.

The science of stress physiology shows us that slow, steady, attuned presence literally rebalances the vagus nerve, lowers cortisol, and reopens the pathways of empathy. So much of burnout isn’t about the volume of what we do; it’s about the absence of what restores us. If the culture of care doesn’t nurture love, reflection, and shared humanity, the heart of the system falters.

Bearing witness without burning out isn’t about armoring up — it’s about opening wisely.
It’s about knowing when to pause, breathe, and receive the same tenderness we offer others.
Because love — in its most sustainable form — is a circle, not a sacrifice.

Reflection Prompt

• Think of a recent moment that felt heavy — a conversation, a decision, a loss.

• Who or what helped you find your footing again?

• What practices remind you that you, too, deserve the healing you help create?

Science | Soul | Skill

• Science: Co-regulation reduces cortisol and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting calm, clarity, and compassion.

• Soul: Bearing witness is an act of love that also asks us to witness ourselves.

• Skill: Practice the “3 Rs” — Recognize when stress is rising, Regulate with a slow exhale, and Reconnect with someone safe before re-engaging.

Until every system remembers how to love,
Mary