The house has seen and survived a lot. The wear and tear of serving a large family with various pets and guests over the past 29 years has taken its toll, but she remains as elegant as ever, if in need of ongoing maintenance and repairs.

The boat is equally elegant, built in 1982, it's a 34 foot sea sprite sailboat and epitomizes everything that Dan loves about sailing. Dan has been around sailboats and boating pretty much his whole life. Owning a vessel with as rich a history and as beautiful lines as the 'Grand Marnier' is a dream come true for him.

Here is a picture of the Grand Marnier in action.

This boat has also had its ups and downs and challenges, yet despite all the frustrations my husband LOVES IT 🤷‍♀️. It embodies Danny, a romantic dreamer with a flair for elegance and adventure. Although this picture paints a vision of relaxation and pleasure, there is an incredible amount of work behind the scenes before we get to this depicted place (and the house has a very similar back story). 



It's all the work, frustration, fixing and re-fixing, short-tempered ladder climbing, sweaty stuff and, of course the financial investments that obscure each others vision to appreciate the dream of the other.

Much of the reality of life isn't represented in the pictures we snap and post on social media but happens behind the scenes embroiled with lots of emotions, especially with the things we love, in spite of their 'apparent' flaws.

I have tried to understand why Dan loves his boat so much (and he with me and the house), but the lenses we often use to assess and evaluate each others passions are pretty myopic. I know I tend to get super reductionistic with Dan and the boat. That perspective can never truly grasp the inherent value the heart and soul see. 

The things that matter most can't be rationalized, nor should they be rationalized, and the absence of a rational explanation/answer doesn't diminish the importance, relevance and value of anything. 

I didn't truly know this until this past weekend when I realized as I climbed the ladder scaffolding Dan had rigged to make it less scary for me to get on and off the boat, that I wasn't afraid on the ladder. 

This may sound like a small thing, but I have a thing with heights. I don't want to say fear, because that just gives my ego more power, it's just a thing. But, as I climbed up I realized I was feeling pretty agile on the ladder; fear was nowhere in sight and that took me by surprise.

In planning for the weekend I decided I was going to embrace the thing that I usually resist; I was going to help Dan on the boat and I was going to enjoy it or at the very least not hate it - and it worked!

I let go of my resistance, gained clarity on what was expected and what I could do to create an experience that would be productive for Danny while playing to my strengths. I wanted to make an impact, that was my goal, I wanted a dopamine hit while I touched Dan's heart and soul.

What I discovered was that 'liking or not liking' the boat had nothing to do with me making an impact. It wasn't about the boat at all, it was about helping my husband.

By stepping out of my own way, I was able to help my husband and also feel good about what I had accomplished. It didn't and doesn't matter what I think about the stuff. It's YOU that matters. If I can let go of my preoccupation with the stuff it frees me up to see YOU; to help YOU; to support and, yes, even love YOU!

Thanks for taking the time to read me 🥰

Take care and care well,

Mary