Appetizers for Life: Finding the Feast in Connection and Care

"Life’s greatest nourishment is found not in the fleeting taste of small moments, but in the fullness of shared connection, where hearts and souls come together to feast on love, trust, and presence." - Mary Coughlin

Appetizers for Life: Finding the Feast in Connection and Care

Sometimes, life feels like a never-ending platter of appetizers — small, flavorful bites that give us just enough to keep going but never quite fill us up. Appetizers are fun, aren’t they? They let us sample different dishes, share with others, and avoid the commitment of ordering a full meal. But as satisfying as they can be in the moment, they rarely leave us feeling nourished.

This metaphor resonates with more than just food. In our fast-paced, modern world, we often approach life with an “appetizer mentality.” We flit from task to task, connection to connection, nibbling at the surface of relationships, ideas, and emotions without diving in too deeply. It’s efficient, it’s safe, and it lets us keep moving. But over time, it leaves us hollow, yearning for something more substantial — the feast of wholeness, presence, and connection.

The Appetizer Approach to Care

In the realm of healthcare, particularly in trauma-informed developmental care (TIDC), this metaphor hits close to home. The “appetizer approach” might look like clinicians prioritizing quick fixes over meaningful interventions, skimming over the surface of care without addressing the deeper, underlying needs of patients, families, or even themselves. It can also reflect the fragmentation we experience when we fail to connect fully with our colleagues or the purpose that called us to this work in the first place.

But healing — true, transformative healing — isn’t something you can serve on a sampler platter. It demands the fullness of our attention, the commitment of our presence, and the courage to wade into the deeper waters of trust, transparency, and vulnerability.

The Feast of Connection

Caring Science and trauma-informed developmental care invite us to step away from the appetizer mentality. These paradigms call us to embrace the fullness of the human experience — the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the traumas. They teach us that connection isn’t something to nibble at; it’s a table we’re meant to gather around, to nourish one another and ourselves.

In TIDC, the “feast” looks like creating safe, stable, and nurturing environments where babies and families can heal and thrive. It’s about moving beyond task-oriented care and embracing the soul of nursing — recognizing that every interaction is an opportunity to connect, comfort, and care.

For clinicians, the feast is also about finding wholeness within ourselves. It’s about showing up authentically, leaning into our vulnerabilities, and nourishing our own hearts so we can continue to care for others. It’s understanding that resilience is built not through quick fixes but through meaningful relationships and shared humanity.

Choosing the Feast

So how do we move beyond the appetizer platter to embrace the feast of connection and care?

1. Take Time to Sit at the Table
   Healing and connection require time and presence. Slow down. Listen deeply. Allow yourself to savor the fullness of your interactions, whether with a patient, a colleague, or a loved one.

2. Commit to the Main Course
   Don’t be afraid to go deep. Whether it’s having a hard conversation, advocating for systemic change, or exploring your own inner world, the main course of life often lies just beyond our comfort zones.

3. Share the Meal
   Connection is meant to be shared. In TIDC, this means creating spaces where patients, families, and clinicians can come together as partners in healing. It also means building a culture of collaboration and mutual support among colleagues.

4. Nourish Yourself
   You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t serve a feast if you’re running on crumbs. Caring for yourself — mind, body, and soul — is essential to sustaining the work of caring for others.

From Nibbling to Nourishment

The appetizer mentality may feel safe and comfortable, but it will never truly satisfy us. The richness of life, and of care, lies in the feast — in diving deep, showing up fully, and sharing ourselves with others.

As clinicians, caregivers, and human beings, we are called to a table far bigger than ourselves, one where the main course is love, trust, and connection. It’s not always easy to choose the feast, but it’s always worth it.

So let’s set the table. Let’s serve up compassion, collaboration, and courage. Let’s leave the appetizers behind and embrace the nourishment we’ve been seeking all along.

With love, nourishment, and deep connection,
Mary

P.S. I’d love to hear your thoughts on Appetizers for Life. Have you ever found yourself grazing through life or care instead of diving into the feast? Share your reflections or comments — your voice adds so much richness to this table of connection!