Caring Governance: Why Trauma-Informed Leadership Must Embrace Postpartum Proxy Voting

"Leadership should not be measured by physical presence alone, but by the wisdom, care, and integrity one brings to governance. A just democracy evolves to meet the needs of its people—not the other way around." - Mary Coughlin

In a democracy that claims to represent all people, who actually gets to lead, and under what conditions? The recent debate over whether postpartum congresswomen should be allowed to vote remotely for 12 weeks after childbirth reveals more than a procedural dispute—it exposes deep tensions between outdated institutional norms and a system that could, if designed with care and equity in mind, truly reflect the needs of a diverse society.

At its core, this issue is about who belongs in governance and what sacrifices we demand from leaders—particularly women and caregivers—to participate in shaping our nation.

A Trauma-Informed, B.U.F.F.E.R., and Caring Science lens offers a radically different perspective, one that sees governance not just as rule-making, but as a reflection of relational leadership, human dignity, and systemic equity.

The Debate: Tradition vs. Humanity

A bipartisan bill proposes allowing postpartum members of Congress to vote remotely for 12 weeks, recognizing that childbirth and early infancy are critical periods for both parent and child.

Yet, opposition has emerged, largely on constitutional grounds, with some arguing that proxy voting violates the quorum requirements of Congress. Others claim that allowing postpartum members to vote remotely would set a dangerous precedent for absentee leadership.

But this isn’t just a legal question—it’s a moral one. What does it say about our democracy if caregiving is seen as a burden to leadership rather than an integral part of it?

A Trauma-Informed Perspective: Structural Barriers as Institutional Trauma

A trauma-informed approach acknowledges that systemic policies can either create harm or foster healing. Denying postpartum voting rights perpetuates institutional trauma in several ways:

Ignores the biological realities of childbirth and recovery.

• Childbirth is a significant physiological and emotional event requiring recovery time. Demanding new mothers be physically present in Congress within days or weeks of giving birth dismisses the basic human need for healing and rest.

Forces impossible choices between professional duty and personal well-being.

• A system that requires women to either abandon their legislative responsibilities or risk their health and their infant’s well-being is an unjust system.

Reinforces gender-based exclusion in governance.

• Historically, women have had to overcompensate to prove their legitimacy in male-dominated spaces. Denying postpartum proxy voting upholds barriers that prevent women from participating fully and equitably.

A trauma-informed democracy should ask: How do we create policies that allow all leaders to contribute without forcing them to choose between their humanity and their profession?

The B.U.F.F.E.R. Lens: Belonging, Understanding, and Equity in Leadership

The B.U.F.F.E.R. framework (Belonging, Understanding, Forgiveness, Frameworks, Equanimity, Respect) offers a profound way to rethink governance. Let’s apply it to this issue:

Belonging → Denying postpartum voting excludes new mothers from full participation in governance. A BUFFER-aligned system would create space for them to belong fully without penalty.

Understanding → The resistance to proxy voting reveals a lack of understanding of postpartum needs. A trauma-informed system acknowledges that governance should adapt to human realities, not the other way around.

Forgiveness → The U.S. government was not originally designed for inclusive leadership—but we can learn from past exclusions and redesign the system to reflect our current values.

Frameworks → Just as we build supportive frameworks in trauma-informed developmental care, we must build equitable frameworks in governance. Proxy voting is one simple policy that aligns leadership with caregiving needs.

Equanimity → True fairness means adapting systems to create equity. Postpartum proxy voting doesn’t give new mothers “special treatment”—it removes an unnecessary barrier that men in power never had to face.

Respect → Leadership should not be based on who can endure the most personal sacrifice but rather who can lead with wisdom, integrity, and care. A policy that respects the realities of parenthood elevates leadership, rather than diminishes it.

A B.U.F.F.E.R.-based democracy does not demand that individuals sacrifice their well-being for participation. Instead, it creates structures that allow diverse leaders to thrive.

Caring Science: A Call for Relational Governance

Jean Watson’s Caring Science reminds us that leadership should be heart-centered, relational, and grounded in human dignity. A Caring Democracy would:

✔ Recognize caregiving as an essential part of leadership, not a disqualifier.
✔ Emphasize compassion and interconnectedness in governance.
✔ Support policy changes that reflect our highest values, not outdated traditions.

If we truly believe in a government of the people, by the people, for the people, then we must ask: Which people? Who do our laws serve, and who do they exclude?

Denying postpartum proxy voting is a rejection of caring, relational leadership—but it is also an opportunity. An opportunity to reshape democracy so that it works for everyone, not just for those who have historically held power.

The Path Forward: A More Inclusive, Human-Centered Democracy

The Constitution was never meant to be static—it was meant to reflect the evolving values of the people. If we continue to defend rigid interpretations that ignore real human needs, we fail to uphold democracy’s true spirit.

A trauma-informed, BUFFER-aligned, and Caring Science-driven governance model would:

1. Recognize caregiving as an act of civic engagement, not a personal burden.

2. Create policies that support the well-being of all leaders, ensuring full participation without forcing impossible sacrifices.

3. Acknowledge that inclusivity strengthens democracy, rather than weakens it.

This is not just about proxy voting. This is about reimagining governance as a system that supports, rather than punishes, the full spectrum of human experience.

It’s time to stop asking new mothers to prove their resilience and start asking Congress to prove its humanity.

Call to Action: Reimagine Governance with Care

What kind of democracy do we want to build? One that upholds rigid traditions at the expense of real people—or one that evolves to create a truly inclusive and compassionate system?

If we want a democracy that reflects justice, equity, and care, we must be willing to challenge harmful norms and outdated expectations.

This debate is bigger than postpartum proxy voting. It’s about the future of leadership.

Let’s choose a future where governance is built on care, equity, and belonging—for all.

What do you think? Should Congress adapt its rules to allow proxy voting for postpartum leaders? Let’s discuss.

With hope, conviction, and the unwavering belief that a just democracy cares for all,

Mary

P.S.: The fight for equitable leadership isn’t just about postpartum proxy voting—it’s about reimagining governance that values care, dignity, and inclusion as pillars of democracy.

If this resonates with you, share this post. Let’s start a conversation about what leadership could be—if we dared to build it differently. 💙

#CaringIsEssential #TraumaInformedGovernance #EquityInLeadership #DemocracyWithDignity